


Welcome to -WAIT! MY SISTER DID WHAT??!

by TheWorstCourierSix



Category: Halo, Halo (Video Games) & Related Fandoms, Halo Reach - Fandom, Red vs. Blue
Genre: (Mostly Church's fault), B312 is confused, Crude Humor, Emile is a pissy baby, Grif is also in shock, He and Emile have sister problems, Jealousy, Jorge is Jorge, Jun doesn't give af, Kat's jealous, Multi, Near death expieriences, Terrible aim, Tucker never gets a break, crossover AU, she doesn't like to admit it tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 11:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13658271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWorstCourierSix/pseuds/TheWorstCourierSix
Summary: Noble Team is waiting for their new 'recruit'. All hell breaks loose in the mean time...





	Welcome to -WAIT! MY SISTER DID WHAT??!

**Author's Note:**

> *Slides out of trash can* Sorry for the trash fic.
> 
> I hope ya'll enjoy reading<3 (I'll edit this later)

Ever since Thom died, Noble Team hadn't been the same. Kat had been dealing with the 'phantom pains' that came with her missing arm, not to mention, she'd been much moodier than she's ever been. She'd snap at every one of your slightest in-fractures. 

Refer to Jun as a 'piss poor sniper' If he dared to miss a shot, but Jun would have some sort of harsh or snarky response, most recently he'd said 'she drove like a sporadic meth addict'. (This hadn't been the only thing she called him, or he'd call her, but the only thing but was the last thing Emile kept on record - especially after the last fight the two had...) 

Now about Emile, he'd been rather quiet since Thom's passing, it was rather odd, Carter almost missed how the bruting spartan used to threatened to gut people, and/or flay them alive. Many found his silence concerning, even if it was a some what nice change from his usual overly dark demeanor. 

And Jorge, poor Jorge, he was trying to stay positive through all this hell but got the brunt of Emile and Kat's moodiness _(mostly Emile was a sniffling, gargling mess and Kat was saltier than Margaret Parangosky on a good day)._ Jun and I usually had to diffuse every toxic situation, most night's with us not talking to each other, particularly Kat's inherent pettiness and Emile's not so silent sobbing. Others ending with us joining given argument, Jorge trying to calm the situation, me and Jun coming to our better senses and walking away even if Kat kept throwing insults. 

Either way, none of it was good. 

But things were gonna change soon, especially if we didn't want to hear back from Kurt or Holland and them 'solving' our 'situation'. More than likely ending in demotion, time spent in the brig or all of the above...

-

The last few weeks hadn't been much better...

-

Kat bitched a little less, and Emile didn't cry so much. Jun and I hadn't slept so well within this time, and he was forced to be my right hand man while Kat what stuck in her feelings. Jorge hadn't said a word especially since Emile seemed so attached to him in this short period, it'd probably the easiest way to keep him calm since we had to meet some of the spartan's being sent to reach with us within roughly two months. I'd rather make a good first impression than be nagged by Kat for failing to even do that...

Oh boy... screw those plans

-

I read over their files, on the surface, they didn't seem so bad... but if you've actually seen them or read deep into the files, you'd know these guys were a fucking trainwreck... I figured out what mess we were gonna be stuck with. They were actually some good old friends...: Michael J. Caboose, a promising soldier. He wasn't all that bright, but he was crafty, and Carter was sure Jun wouldn't mind teaching him a few techniques. 

Then Lavernius Tucker... He was something else... He wasn't the first 'playboy' wannabe he'd ever met, the sexual jokes would probably grow annoying but he seemed like an okay soldier, better than he'd been when Jorge had to work with him... 

Now Grif... He knew Emile and Jun remembered him... He probably had skills, he didn't seem like he ever used them... He was know for his laid back and lazy demeanor. At least he could drive, something Kat needed to work on... (Carter would probably have to work his ass into shape anyway, thank jesus they didn't have to head to reach immediately...)

Franklin Delano Donut, he's quite eccentric and energetic. He's pretty ambitious which was a nice asset, overall he seemed to be the making of a good soldier. He was kinda like most rookie's... 'green as grass' Hopefully he could handle the aspect of death...

I've already seen Tex in action, she seemed like one hell of a fighter. And I didn't need to read Frank DuFresne, I've seen him around the UNSC a few times (he and Edward Buck are good friends).

Lastly, I read Washington, Dick Simmons and Lopez, there wasn't much for me to say, I've seen them in action. Mostly Kat would get mad whenever she'd have to see Simmons, he didn't like her much either. They could (if we let them) sit hours arguing about the smallest things whether it was fucking intel or if the sky were fucking blue. Most of everyone could agree the two could ruin anyone's mood.

Lopez was fine, he didn't talk much, but he did his job perfectly fine, heck, he did his job better than most people here.

And finally Washington, he seemed a little nervous when I'd first met him, thankfully it doesn't interfere with his job. He wasn't a bad guy, he just seems a little too paranoid...

I mean, they're not bad at their jobs by any means, but when you see them in action, I'd think it were best to run...

Literally, they could be worse. Right?

\- 

I had three more files. I had to skim over them after I got a call telling me out new recruit was coming. He wasn't supposed to be getting here until July 24, and its only the 11th of May... Did Kat rearrange our meeting or what?

I guess it didn't matter.

-

Jun took the rest of the files as Carter made his way to the door, stacking them neatly before he paused, leaving just two on his desk...

He stared at them, eyes visibly dulled, facial expression some what unreadable. The same look he used whenever we came across a bump in our plans or an undesirable client. He looked at me, sliding both files in my direction, motioning me to come closer. I walked over to get a better look...

Fuck.

Sarge and Church.

I didn't have to read over either files... I didn't really want to or need to. I met them, and I've already learned what I needed to know about the two... 

They're both assholes.

Actually, me and Jun came to see them a month ago, -only by Senior Chief Petty Officer Mendez's recommendation. 

_Thanks Mendez._

I'm not sure if he knew, but he threw us in the middle of a shit fest...

If he did, and sent us there just to spite us (I wouldn't be surprised if he did since Emile scraped that warthog up earlier this month, don't even ask what happened...) I would rather another form of cruel punishment than listen to two bitter assholes go on and on about stupid shit that didn't even matter. We originally wanted to wait a week or two, just until they squashed their ignorant 'debate' instead getting caught in their crossfire. We hardly got a word out about our current mission, which is has gotten me worried. 

Jun told me if they didn't want to listen, it didn't make much sense for me to waste my breath _(he told me something of a crude nature, but I'd rather leave this safe for work... Jun has a pretty dirty mouth...)._

_I still hope they both read our briefing..._

-

 

As the day went along, we mostly spent our time running laps with red and blue team. Sarge and Fucking Church still fucking bickering... Tex friggen knocked Kat over _(for the umpteenth time)_ and that poor kid Caboose was caught in the middle of their 'cat fight'... Washington tripped over Emile -who was curled up on the damn ground crying again and hissing whenever people would offer him help _(-he didn't hiss at Jorge, surprisingly, letting him carry his sad ass back to the base)._ That sad soul Lopez was half buried some where in the dirt, and Simmons was looking for him. And Jun watched over the carnage... I assume he was trying not to laugh at the dumbassery that just played out. And finally time to take a break... Tucker and Donut are still trying to haul Grif's fat as back up here... And we still hadn't seen any signs of the new recruit.

Shouldn't have expected much.

Most times the recruits would be late for the first job. Most times it was either them not giving a fuck or being-

"Carter! Noble Six is here! " Kat shouted. 

And right after I just sat my ass down...

I sipped on my coffee languidly, rolling my eyes. Why'd she have to shout so loud, we're in the same building?

He could here Emile and Grif screaming in the next room.

...Oh God, what the fuck now?

-

Everything looked pretty normal. Jun was sitting down, showing Caboose how to clean his gun properly (we still had confetti to clean out of our base...) Tex was beating the shit out of Tucker (probably another one of his lewd jokes...) Donut and Washington were trying to help Tucker. Doc DuFresne was standing by waiting for Tex to finish beating Tucker to a bloodied pulp. Simmons was fiddling with some salvage (probably looking for pieces to help repair Lopez) And Kat was standing in the corner, salty per the usual. She tilted her head to the side, and Carter stared out at the situation playing out. Jorge was trying to defuse the whole situation, sadly failing. B312 arrived, with Emily and Kaikana? They both seemed mad.

Noble Six waved to Carter, then saluted. "Hello Carter Sir. Pleasure meeting you." You stare at your men getting shouted down by their sister, slack-jawed. 

Oh this was gonna be one hell of a week.

-

"I thoughted you'd be happy to see me." Emily was holding Emile in a head lock. "After all, we were jointed to the hip for two years." 

Kaikana clapped her brother's back hard, and pulled him into a hug, laughing at his dumbfounded expression. "I thought you'd be surprised too! What has it been? Like a year or something?"

Emile and Grif looked at each other then stared blankly at their sisters... Oh this was gonna be one hellishly long week indeed...

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again for reading! I'll try to update this as soon as possibly! Till then, await more trash;)


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